Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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