watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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