I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
