god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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