The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
