i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
