i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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