he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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