I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
