God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
