awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
