You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
