My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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