good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
