not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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