Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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