Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
