There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
