Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
