Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
