Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize