im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
