its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
