im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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