dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I just sharted jello shots
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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