Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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