Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
