My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're like the curious george of whores
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
