Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
