Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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