Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
