He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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