Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
