pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
