Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
