The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
