I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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