Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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