thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
