That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i think my cat just said my name.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
