I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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