Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite