Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize