he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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