sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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