also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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