it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize