It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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