I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
