How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
