And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
