At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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