I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
