my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize