You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
