dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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