Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
