my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
