yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
