He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
